sunrises & sunsets
when I heard she had passed away, I decided in less than a split second I was going. lorenzo and I decided to hit the road. on this trip I would meet for the first time (in person anyway) Hassan and his wife Renee. he was the one who told me of her transition. we both were compelled to make this journey…us from Mississippi…them from las Vegas. this journey was about saying goodbye properly to a friend….my sister. we both know Nikki would have done the same for us.
on the way down, I contemplated how it would be saying goodbye to someone so beautiful, sharp and strong at such a young age. when I was younger, 38 seemed to be an entire lifetime. now I know that it’s usually only a fraction of the time we spend on the planet…living our lives either very well or not so well at all. for Nikki, that’s all she had. you really don’t think about your mortality until someone else’s is stripped away.
I must say nikki’s celebration was one of tears, praise and stories of an extraordinary woman. in those hours, I got more of a glimpse into Nikki…from a cousin…best friend…her brother aswad (of who she spoke of frequently with such love and admiration)…and many other friends and family. they all shared their love of Nikki for them and vice versa.
afterwards, Hassan, Renee, Lorenzo and myself trekked over to soul vegetarian to break bread. we shared our own stories of Nikki…what she meant to us and so many others…countless others she affected through her written words.
i called Nikki a portal yesterday. and that’s exactly what she was to so many people. she was the point of origin for some many relationships, between herself and others. we truly care for one another, even if you’ve never laid physical eyes upon one another.
if I hadn’t started blogging, I would have never connected with Nikki, Hassan or any other blogger. Nikki and i discovered that we weren’t so very different. it was a kinship that i will honor and treasure until i transition from this planet. Nikki’s untimely transition to become an honored ancestor bought together two couples who may have never even met. for that I am always grateful.
i am inspired to continue the connection.
September 20, 2009 at 5:18 am
With ten or so days left in this month of September, I am finally getting around to commenting. Oh, I’ve read a bunch and commented here and there but I just couldn’t say anything that I thought was worth substance.
My wife and I were in Atlanta the entire month of June and the first week of July and I was really looking forward to hanging out with Nikki to check out the NBA Finals. We planned that and I remember our convo and texts as we were crossing 285 to hook up at some random sports bar when the last texts and voicemail was never returned.
Things were so regular. Life was so blah.
I got a text a few days later, her telling me that she was in the hospital, but she never indicated which one. She didn’t want us to see her in such a reduced state. I balked at that and LadyLee and myself found that she was at Emory.
It happened so fast.
90 days later to the damn day from our convo she was gone.
We spoke, Im’d and texted in those 3 months about so much, all dealing with the future. Family, friends, children… Looking back at her 2009 and laughing at what she went thru. She filled me in on her pain, struggle and weight loss. She told me about the skin problems and her difficulty breathing but one thing she did not fill me in on but I found out the Thursday before she passe like everyone else… That video of the sunrise. She LOVED sunrises and sunsets and believed in the power of the moon’s light.
She was prepared.
I wasn’t. Hell, none of us were especially with her passing, but one thing she did stress to me in looking back in those last days we communicated was to enjoy THIS moment. I emailed her a copy of an old-ass hip hop album by Three Times Dope that she said that she had on repeat and could not stop listening to. I am glad that I could do something to have helped her enjoyed those moments that we never knew would be her last.
Nikki stressed that we should enjoy our moments. There was so much that she gave us in her short 38 years but the one thing I’m learning right now in my confused, angry and saddened moments is that I still have to do something to enjoy the who, what, when and how that is so unique to me an express that whatever way I can.
In enjoyment.
September 22, 2009 at 11:55 pm
Ahh…nice!!! GREAT WRITING!